Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
