I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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