i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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