just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
