I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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