I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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