nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
this is an emotional support booty call
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
