I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
