Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
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I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
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apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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