If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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