We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
