I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
