No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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