Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
