# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
