I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
