Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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