u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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