I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
