well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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