everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
