so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
