I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
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I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
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Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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