i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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