I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
