Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
