I am puke
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
