There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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