It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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