Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
