Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
