she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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