I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
