I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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