my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
