I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
