Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
