If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
