he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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