She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I had to cum in my sink.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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