Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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