We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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