hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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