My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
