WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
