Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
