Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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