fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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