first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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