We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
