Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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