I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
