I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
