1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
