Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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