Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize