Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
