those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
