Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
