Already got asked if we're dating
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
