i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
