You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
