The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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