And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
