I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
