It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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