i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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