we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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