if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
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I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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