Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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