i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
