Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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