we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
